Let your emotions move you
Emotion come from the Latin verb movere, which means to move. Emotions are things that move us, that set our body in movement and motivate us to act. They are brief affective states characterized by a physiological, physical and mental activity. While emotions are not good or bad, we can still categorize them as positive or negative, depending on their purpose and the way they make us act. Positive emotions broaden our attention and they help us explore and engage, which are essential for adaptation. On the other hand, negative emotions narrow our attention and give us the energy to fight or escape, which are essential for our survival. Negative emotions become an issue when they are too intense and appear too frequently¹.
When we were young, we needed the support of an adult to learn how to express and regulate our emotions. However, depending on our education, we may not have learnt how to effectively regulate them. Throughout our life and conditioning we may also have learnt that some of them are bad and that they shouldn’t be expressed. Along the way, we may also have mistaken suppression for regulation.
Even though emotions are very short-lived and disappear quickly, we often give them meaning by linking them to their cause, which creates feelings. The latter are long-lasting affective states corresponding to our own personal representation of a situation, thing or person and we love holding on to those feelings. An example depicting the difference between emotions and feelings is feeling angry (emotion) when something bad happens and feeling resentment (feeling) long after the said thing happened.
Every time we suppress an emotion, it is stored in our body and creates tension. But we also all know that we cannot just go and hit someone when we’re angry, right? So, let’s find a new way of living our negative emotions. The key concept here is that we shouldn’t suppress our emotions but we should manage our reactions.
Pausing and observing is a good first step as it helps us identify, acknowledge and create distance with our emotions (name it to tame it). Pausing will also allow us to act rather than automatically react to these emotions. While pausing, we can use breathing techniques to bring back calmness to our body. Then we can act skillfully and decide what is best in this situation. We maybe need to excuse ourselves from the situation and go outside to take a breath of fresh air; go to the bathroom and cry; …
Sometimes this is not possible, or not enough and when we think about this situation or person it still triggers us. Our body still reacts to it, and it makes us angry, sad, anxious all over again.
What we can do is actively create safe space to release our emotions even (long) after the event has happened. Then we need to recall a triggering event and become aware of the negative emotion that is still in our system. Think about it, feel it and then let it out using one or more tools mentioned below. The aim is not to do these things to take your mind off the situation and your emotions, but to let you feel and express these feelings so that they can leave your system.
Tools: Intuitive dance session with a supportive music for this emotion. Paint or draw something to express what you are feeling. Sing or shout (maybe in a pillow or somewhere where you won’t scare your neighbours). Go do some sports (boxing, running, spinning, …) If you’re sad but can’t make yourself cry, watch a movie that normally makes you cry and cry your eyes out.
Don’t hesitate to share if you have other tools that work for you!
¹If this is your case, letting your emotions live is not exactly what you need, but rather find a way to change the way you think. (Greenberger & Padesky, 2016, Mind over Mood, Guilford Press, New York.)
